At least free
by Samantha Black
Summary: Severus Snape will do his last step in his life...what was that wrong, that he wanted it so much?


  
_This is my first english story, so please, don't be too severe to me...thank you for that:)  
  
But I hope, you'll like this story....  
  
Disclamer: JK Rowling owns all in this story, it's nothing mine...   
  
A very big thanks to Stephanie for correct this story...  
  
I hope, it'll be better next time....  
  
Bye, Sam:)   
  
_

**At Least Free**

  
I am alone again. I hated that life, it is so empty and nobody really knows you.  
  
I have never fit in, too proud to talk to others and too intimidating for them to talk to me. Often, much too often, I stand in despair on the highest tower of Hogwarts listening to the voice in my head that says 'Jump! Jump! It's easy, nobody would cry if you'd die'. But then normally another voice say, 'Don't jump! Think about Dumbledore and all the other teachers. They would be very sad and blame themselves for your death. Otherwise, you were never a man who runs away. Never! You only sometime hid, but you never ran away. So don't change your habits, stay safe and hidden."  
  
I stand at the top of the tower, nearer at the precipice than ever, looking at the ground. The night is dark, so dark that I can't see the ground. Thoughts of suicide fill my mind. The voice that always said, "Don't jump! Somebody will miss you!", is silent tonight. There is no hope anymore. Nobody will say, "I don't want you to jump", nobody. Fate has conspired against me…. Everything…  
  
I remembered at the moment, which should do my life worse than it was anyhow and I thought, it couldn't be worse…  
  
How much I was wrong…  
  
The last time I stood here Dumbledore followed me. I think he knew what I wanted to do, because of what had happened the night before. I had killed again because of Voldemort, the woman that I loved. The only woman other than Lily Evans Potter I have ever loved. It still hurts when I think of her. She was my only reason for living, still holding on. Her lover gave me the strength to do what I had to do, be a Death Eater, to kill and torture more people and to hold on living acting if nothing was wrong. But then some Death Eaters captured her and there was no hope anymore for us. People say there are always different possibilities. Yes, we could have died together, but she was looking at me, telling me with her eyes that I had to live. So I didn't say anything and Voldemort gave me the wonderful task of killing her. I hate him so much, he knew I loved her; it was a test of my loyalty to him…  
  
As I stood there remembering, Dumbledore was speaking, soothing my mind. In the end he persuaded me to come down. I had cried like a little child. It had helped me, and her sacrifice was not in vain. Voldemort trusted me and gave me important information that I passed on to Dumbledore and the Ministry. It allowed us to capture the ten highest-ranking Death Eaters. Only Lucius Malfoy and I escaped.  
  
We'd reported the Dark Lord, what had happened and and after he had nearly tortured us to death, he left us to go. I needed almost a week in Hogwarts infirmary before I was well. While I was in the infirmary Dumbledore visited me, and Harry Potter. That was a surprised. We talked, he understood what it ment to loose someone you love.   
  
A week later I stood on the tower again. Death Eaters had killed Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley; I didn't find out in time and couldn't prevent it. The Ministry wanted to blame everything on me. Dumbledore persuade me again that I was needed and set the Ministry straight. Potions classes were hard. Potter was there. I ignored him, letting him grieve in silence. It annoyed the Slytherins, but they had probably thought, Dumbledore told me to be kind, so that my honour remained.   
  
Something so terrible, which I already thought, that bare thought would be enough, in order to die. All hope had disappeared, all!  
Yesterday, something so terrible happened, I lost all hope. Professor Vector murdered Potter. She was under the Imperious curse. No one suspected. The Ministry blamed me of course, but Dumbledore set them straight.  
  
The thoughts hurt. I want to jump finally. I can't do this anymore, Lily, my love, Hermione and Ron, Harry, Albub…all gone. There's no hope anymore. I killed Albus this morning. Last night, Voldemort and fifteen other Death Eaters cast Imperious on me.  
  
The stars are bright tonight; I can almost reach them as I step into the air.  
  
  
  



End file.
